Learning Lessons from a Marriage Fight

Have you ever had a "disagreement" with your spouse? Better question, when was the last time you had a fight with your spouse? What did you learn from it? Michael Hyatt has a great post entitled "What I Learned About Leadership from a Fight With My Wife." Michael and Gail Hyatt have been married for thirty-three years. They truly enjoy each other's company, but they had a "doozy" (Michael's word) of a fight. Michael identifies 5 lessons which he wants to remember for future use. These five are important for all of us to consider.

1. Clarify our expectations up front: too often we have differing expectations and our spouse doesn't know what we anticipate. Our spouse can't read our mind, but we some how assume that they should know - if they really loved me, they would figure it out!

2. Assume the best about the each other: that is one of the statements about love from 1 Corinthians 13 - "believes all things." That is, believes the best about the other. We should not assume that our spouse is doing something intentionally to make us miserable!

3. Affirm the priority of the relationship: our relationship is the most important asset that we have. It ought to be more important than "getting our way."

You can read Michael's comments (HERE) on the above as well as the final two lessons. They can make for a great discussion if you take the time to sit down and talk about these things -- even before the "fight" begins. It could help to prevent the escalation as well as serve to prevent those battles. Take time to also read through the comments to his post.

Moving Toward Grace Filled Conversations

The Setting: Bill Hybels from Willow Creek Church hosts a leadership seminar, Summit. Howard Schultz from Starbucks was to be one of the speakers. Apparently a petition with over 717 signatures was sent to Howard Schultz declaring that Willow Creek was "anti-gay" and that he should not be present. Schultz decided to cancel his contractual engagement.

In the video clip below, Bill Hybels graciously responds and reminds us that the church is not called to be "anti" anyone. The doors of our churches should have "welcome" to everyone who comes across them. That does not mean that we are called to affirm the lifestyle choices, but we are called to graciously invite them to become a follower of Jesus Christ. We are called to challenge everyone to become a follower of Jesus Christ and to live out the principles of Scripture. As Hybels points out, there is a great deal of confusion and brokenness in our fallen world. He states, "at Willow we honor the journey of everyone who is trying to follow Christ."

I loved the fact that he encouraged his audience to write letters of appreciation and invitation to Howard Schultz, rather than those filled with vitriol because of his business decision. An oh, by the way, he encouraged them to buy a cup of Starbucks coffee.

We are living in a world which is becoming more and more antagonistic to principles which God has espoused. We need to learn how to hold a graceful conversation with individuals who are not following those principles and prayerfully endeavor to lead them to Christ. Please take the time to look at the video clip below, as a pattern for grace.

The Importance of Church Community

There is a tendency among some people who claim to be followers of Christ to think that they can live the Christian life without being connected to a local body of believers. This connection is much more than arriving a few minutes after the service has started and then quickly heading back out the door until the following week, or schedules allow for another visit. John writes, "... that which we have seen and heard we proclaim to you, so that you also may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ" (1 John 1:1-3).

The point that John is making is that believers are to have a connection with other Christians. Those who are false Christians leave the church fellowship (1 John 2:19). It is within the local church body that followers of Christ have the opportunity to get to know, serve and love other followers of Christ.

One of the reasons for constructing the lobby area with tables and coffee is so that there is a place where it is possible to sit down at a table and spend some time getting to know other followers of Christ. It is a place to connect, to share praises and prayer, and you are encouraged to take the time to make it work. This might mean arriving earlier so as to have some time to connect or perhaps even staying a bit later. (Perhaps we need to rename it to "Cafe" which gives more of the idea that this is a place to linger and spend some time investing in the lives of other believers). Obviously, not all connection needs to happen within the walls of the church building, but this is certainly a good place to look for opportunities to invest in the lives of people who are part of the Valley Grace community.